apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
