Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
