I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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