I got chris browned last night
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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