Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
