I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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