Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love having hate sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
