Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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