How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
