i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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