dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
