Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he puts the penis in happiness.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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