If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
