I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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