you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
