I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
