Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
