Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I forget how to act sober
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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