Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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