if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
