My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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