Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
