Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
