I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
