He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we made out on top of his cat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
