The maid of honor just puked.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I love you.
Bad choice
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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