i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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