one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
