this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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