Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
