I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
