I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
