we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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