Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
