i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
