plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
