I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
