Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
