My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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