Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
