That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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