sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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