You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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