the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
