I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
