Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
