So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
