i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
