I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
