The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
