i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
